


I almost did something stupid.  How Stupid?  The stupidest.

by Etherockj



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-14
Updated: 2013-06-15
Packaged: 2017-12-14 22:42:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/842200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etherockj/pseuds/Etherockj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the day after the wedding and Rae and Finn go to meet up at the pub.  Rae runs into Big G and Finn becomes suspicious when he sees that they're having a civil conversation.</p><p>I've never done any kind of creative writing or fanfiction before so bear with me on this one :)</p><p>Trigger Warning: Suicide</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Morning After

For a day that had started out so completely and utterly shit, it somehow ended perfectly.  Rae recalled how the day had begun with her sinking so low, feeling so isolated and alone, that she had almost done something stupid.  Really stupid.  When she'd thought the gang was out of her reach forever plus what had happened to Tix, well, she hadn't been able to see a way out.  How do you carry on when you've got no supports?  Rae was glad she had carried on though, otherwise she would have missed out on something great.  She smiled, thinking how she had gone from thinking she had lost everyone to having so much support from her friends and her mum. When she thought about it, she almost couldn't believe that she'd told everyone she'd been ill.  Not just Finn or the gang either.  She'd told the whole reception.  She had finally put down her big backpack of bullshit and she felt the enormous weight lifted from her shoulders.  Rae's head was pounding though, so she pulled herself up out of bed and made her way to the kitchen for some aspirin.  She had been hit by a car after all.  

As she filled a glass of water at the sink, she let her mind drift to her conversation with Kester from yesterday.  He'd been in quite a state when she'd found him.  She was so glad that he was as big of a mess as she was.  Something about getting advice from someone with a perfect life just didn't sit right with her.  She felt she really could trust him now, that he would lead her in the right direction.  Since her mom’s wedding had been yesterday, that meant that Karim was technically her stepdad now.  Would it be like having a dad?  Rae didn't know how she felt about that.  She couldn't really remember having a dad or what that felt like.  She and her mom had been on their own for so long that she hadn’t let herself feel upset about it all.  It was just like Kester to know that something was bothering her even though she hadn’t known it herself.  She didn’t want to think about her dad or Kester or Karim though.  No, the only man she'd allow on her mind today was Finn.  Perfect, fit, sex god Finn.  Last night outside the chippy was fresh in her mind and all she really wanted was to see him again.  Because for as crap as yesterday had started, it couldn’t have ended any better.  Finn had told her he loved her! She almost couldn’t believe it.  Her. Rae Earl. A bloody ridiculous blob with a gob. She hadn't really believed him last night.  She had wanted to, desperately, but she hadn't allowed herself to feel that particular hope.  But after a night of rest and her subconscious working as she dreamed, she realized he had meant what he told her and she let herself believe him.  Around 11 o’clock Finn called her and she’d dashed to the phone when she heard it ring. 

> Hello?
> 
> Rae! I was wonder if you might maybe like to meet at the pub today.  Just the two of us.  I’m mean only if you're up to it and all.
> 
> Yeah of course I want to.  When did you want to meet?
> 
> Maybe around 12 do you think?
> 
> Yeah alright, I’ll see you there Finn.
> 
> And Rae?
> 
> Yeah?
> 
> I meant it.  I-I love you.  I wish you believed me.
> 
> I believe you Finn.  I love you too, I just had to let it sink in that you felt the same way.  I’ll see you soon.

Rae felt dizzy.  Just a short conversation with him and she felt her pulse racing. He loved her.  He'd said it again so it definitely had to be real.  Gush.  She hadn't even said one twatish thing.  Since Finn was an expert waterer of lady gardens, it was amazing that she'd been able to string together a semi-coherent sentence.  She went back upstairs to shower before meeting Finn at the pub. 


	2. Making Friends

Rae pulled on her favorite jeans, a black t-shirt, a red flannel, and her leather jacket.  She laced up her converse and headed out the door.  She saw Mrs. Dewhurst in her window and she could have sworn she’d winked at her.  Mrs. Dewhurst was a bit of a mystery.  She had caused such a fuss when she'd accused Rae of peeping (which she totally hadn't by the way!) but then after the sexy party she hadn't said a word to her mum.  Opening her curtains was apparently a crime but having a wild party with the gang was no big deal.  Adults!  It was almost like Mrs. Dewhurst was a bizarre guardian angel for Rae.  She was always watching from across the street, watching Rae come and go. Maybe she was really just a silent sentry monitoring the street.  Rae left her house around 11:30.  She'd probably get to the pub early but she was too excited to stay home any longer.

When Rae rounded the corner and started walking up the road to the pub, her heart sank.  There they were, the twats who always bothered her on the street.  Didn't they have _anything_ better to do?  How many times can you call someone fat before it stops being funny?  It had stopped being funny for Rae a long time ago.  As a matter of fact, it had never been funny for Rae, not once.  She pulled the sleeves of her leather jacket down over her hands a little more and kept walking.  She was starting to freak out though.  What if Finn happened to be on the street?  He'd see her and hear those twats and the whole day would be ruined.  What if he decided he didn't want to be around someone who was constantly being called fat as she walked down the street?  What if he ended up feleing embarrassed of her.   _Woah! Cool it Rae! 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. better._  She smiled to herself, she had to stop thinking like that.  She remebered the time Finn had punched Big G in the face during her super mega period.  Big G, as it turned out, wasn't so horrible after all.  The other two though, they were major twats.

> Jabba!  Jabba!
> 
> You'll make me lose my appetite mate!

She kept walking, and as she walked up to the pub she saw Big G leaning against the side of the building smoking.  She groaned internally, he might not be as big of a twat as she thought he was but that didn't mean she wanted him anywhere near her date with Finn. She groaned.  _Why did he have to be here right now? At the pub. At the pub where she was about to meet up with Finn. Maybe he wouldn't spot her-_

> _  
> _Hey! Hey Rae!

_Bloody hell! The idiot was practically landing planes trying to flag her down!_

> Hey.
> 
> Listen, about yesterday-
> 
> I don't want to talk about yesterday.  It happened, you were there and I appreciate you taking me to the hospital, but I don't want to think about it anymore.  And if you ever tell anyone about what happened I will hunt you down!
> 
> Alright, Alright, I won't tell anyone.  But I was thinking maybe we could talk.  Just from time to time, yeah?
> 
> Yeah, I suppose.

Big G reached out and touched Rae's arm.  

> I really am sorry Rae.  About yesterday, and how I've always treated you.  It's going to be different now.

Rae smiled.  

> I know, everything's going to be different now.


	3. The Meeting

Finn didn’t understand.  As he walked up to the pub and he saw Rae standing there chatting with Big G. _What was going on?  It didn’t make any sense.  Big G was a total twat who had taunted Rae for years.  Why would Rae be standing there talking to him?  Why wouldn't she just walk into the pub and ignore him?  Did she want to talk to Big G?_ Finn’s blood boiled as he remembered the day he’d defended Rae after this wanker had been taking the piss.  What kind of person loudly and publicly humiliates someone when they're already down?  He and Rae had never really talked about it other than when she had thanked him, but he knew something had been bothering Rae that day.  She hadn't acted like herself when they met up to plan the trip to Knebworth.  He hadn't known at the time but she had a lot going on in her life.  He wished he had known then about her being ill.  He wasn’t exactly a source of comfort to her early on either.  She was so strong and bright and funny. She never seemed to let anyone get her down.  But he didn’t know the truth of it then and he does now. 

Walking over, he has to stop and restrain himself.  Big G just touched Rae, his Rae, and she’d smiled back.  What the hell is going on? _It was only a small smile though.  Like the one’s she’d used when she’d first met the gang.  When she was nervous about making new friends._ Finn didn’t like the idea of Rae and Big G as friends.  Big G had hurt her and he couldn't bear it if Rae was hurt by Big G again.  What had Big G even done to deserve someone like Rae in his life?  Finn had apologized for how he’d acted when they’d first met, he and Rae was solid now.  They made sense together.  They fit perfectly.  Big G though? What had he even done to earn a smile from Rae when all he had ever done was make her miserable?Finn couldn’t take it any longer.  He wasn't getting any calmer and he really didn't want to start his first date with Rae by beating Big G to a pulp.

> Hey Rae! What’s all this about then? He’s not bothering you now is he?
> 
> No Finn! It's nothing like that!

Rae chuckled nervously as Big G made to leave.  _She looks nervous.  Why does she look nervous? Is it about me? Do I make her nervous?  She had practically squeaked when she'd said she was fine.  Is she lying?  Is he hurting her?  Shit!  This girl was making him feel like a madman!_

> Want to head inside then?
> 
> Yeah, definitely.

Finn felt on edge.  Even as he made to grab Rae's hand and she squeezed his hand in return, he couldn't shake the feeling. Rae seemed fine now but something about he and Big G felt off.  Maybe he's just imagining things.  But god he loved her so much! It hurt just thinking about how beautiful she is.  She helped everyone, saved everyone.  She had the biggest heart and was the bravest person he knew.  She couldn't see it though.  She didn't see how she made everyone around her better.  She'd made him better.   _That must be it!  She must be trying to fix Big G, make him better!_ He had decided.  Big G just needed something and Rae with her big heart was trying to help.


	4. The Question

Finn and Rae made their way into the pub.  They found a seat in the back that was somewhat secluded.  Finn went to the bar to order drinks and at this point Rae finally managed to breathe.  Here they were, out in public.  Finn had held her hand all the way to the table.  She couldn't believe it!  The fittest guy in Lincolnshire was out on an actually date with her.  All she could think when he looked at her was all the things she wanted him to do to her, and what she wanted to do to him in return.  He really was like looking at porn.  

Finn walked back to the table and chuckled as he sat down.

> Alright there Rae? I don't think you've blinked since I left.
> 
> Wha'? Oh, right. No I've blinked!
> 
> Is that right? I thought maybe something had caught your eye.

Rae blushed slightly.  She shouldn't feel embarrassed for ogling her extremely attractive boyfriend, but she couldn't help it.  He'd caught her and that was that.   _Oh crap! Am I staring again now? He's going to think I'm mental!  Oh wait, I am mental...snap out of it Rae!_

> So, erm, what have you been up to this morning?
> 
> Well after I called you I sat listening to music.  Here, I made you this tape.
> 
> Still trying to prove you've got better music taste than me?  It's never going to happen!  
> 
> Is that so?  You haven't even looked at what I put on this mix yet.

Rae looked down and in the case lining Finn had written the names of the songs on the mix.  _Hang on a second.  Every song says-_

> Finn, you cheeky bastard! Is this an entire tape of  _Spaceman_ by  _Babylon Zoo_!! And to think, you tried to protect me early.  It's you I'll be needing protection from! And your music taste!  _Oh shit! Why did I have to bring that up? I really am mad!_
> 
> Did you need me to step in earlier? Because you kind of brushed it off, but if he's bothering you I can punch him again.  If he thinks he can still take the piss and I'm just going to let him, he's got another thing coming!
> 
> No, Finn it's fine! It's really nothing like that.  He's not as bad as all that! Please, let's not talk about him now.

So desperate to change the topic, Rae practically threw herself at Finn.  She captured his lips with hers and kissed him as best as she knew how.  Finn seemed as if he was going to protest at first and push the topic, but after a pause he returned the kiss with all he had.  This was their first date after all and Big G hadn't been invited.


	5. The Confrontation

A few hours later after laughing and snogging Rae at the pub, Finn dropped Rae home and began walking towards his.  He'd had an amazing time with Rae but he couldn't get what she'd said out of his mind.   _He's not as bad as all that!_ Rae actually defended Big G? Finn couldn't wrap his head around it.  He felt as if he was missing something huge but couldn't fathom what.  Big G was a twat, plain and simple.  What could he had possibly done or said that Rae felt he was alright?

Walking up the steps to his house, he shrugged off his coat and picked up the phone to call Rae.  He knew he'd just spent the day with her but that conversation with Big G was really doing his head in.  He dialed her number determined to find out what was going on.  If she thought Big G was alright then something major must have happened between them and he was desperate to know what it was.  He heard the phone ringing and his breathing increased in anticipation of her voice.

> Hello?
> 
> Rae, it's Finn.
> 
> Finn! You've only just left my house.  You've missed me already?
> 
> Yeah, of course I miss you.  Listen, I know you said it was nothing but my mind is running wild trying to imagine what's going on with Big G?  He's a tosser and I feel funny about him bothering you at the pub today.
> 
> It is nothing Finn.  I already told you I don't want to talk about it.
> 
> So there is something to talk about.  Big G gets to know and I don't, yeah?  _When had he turned into such a jealous twat?_
> 
> I said leave it Finn!  Either you trust me or you don't!  Listen I've gotta go.  I'm going to see Tix.

_With that, the line went dead.  Shit!_ Finn was ashamed of himself for how he'd acted and he was even more ashamed of what he was about to do.  Shrugging his leather jacket back on, Finn left his house and began to head toward where he thought Big G lived.  He knew Big G from around town but they'd never been friends so he doesn't know exactly where he lives.  Rae had asked him to leave it, and he shoud leave it.  He trusts Rae and he knows she's not seeing Big G or anything like that, but he has to look out for Rae.  He has to be sure Big G isn't bullying her into some kind of weird friendship she doesn't want.   _Am I really one of those boyfriends who makes decisions for both of us?_ It feels wrong.  Almost as if Finn is invading Rae's privacy, on par with reading her diary, but he can't stop.  He has to know what is going on. _  
_

When Finn reaches Big G's house, he almost prays that no one's home.  If no one answers he can turn around and go back home.  He can scrape together what's left of his dignity and brainstorm how he'll ever make this up to Rae.  Knocking on the door, Finn knows it's too late for all that.  He can hear someone moving within the house and he sees  a sillhouette through the window just before the front door opens.  Big G answers the door looking uncomfortable but not surprised.

> Figured I'd be seeing ya sooner rather than later.
> 
> What were you doing talking to Rae?
> 
> She'd kill me if I told ya mate.  I can't tell anyone.  Said she'd hunt me down if I did! She's wild about ya.  Just be with her and leave it at that.  She'll tell ya when she's ready.
> 
> How do you know how she feels about anyone? You don't even know her!  All you've even done is take the piss and make her feel like crap!  How do you come off trying to tell  _me_ how she feels?
> 
> Listen, I don't want to fight ya.  If she wanted ya to know, she'd have told ya.
> 
> So you know her secrets and I don't?! 

At this point it was all Finn could do not to punch Big G in his stupid face.  Who did this guy think he was?  Finn was livid.  Rae was his girlfriend!   _Why should she tell Big G a secret but not tell me?_  They got along perfectly.  And she'd been so brave yesterday telling everyone about her illness-- _Oh my god!_

> This isn't about her being ill is it?  Did your taunts drive her to something?! Answer me!


	6. The Aftermath

Finn's hand fisted tight in the fabric of Big G's shirt.  It was all he could do to keep from killing Big G right there on his door step.  But no, he needed the answer.  He needed Big G to tell him what was happing to Rae.  Finn could hear that he was practically growling as he stood mere millimeters from Big G's face.   _If this wanker had done something, made Rae want to hurt herself..._ Finn wasn't sure what he'd do but Big G would pay.

> It wasn't me mate I swear!  She was already out there! I just ran into her before she could do it.
> 
> Do what?
> 
> She was out on the bridge mate.  Just walking, but it was like she was already dead.  That look, the blankness in her gaze.  It was like she was already gone.  I've never seen a person look so sad.  She didn't really even look like a person anymore.  She was just a shell!
> 
> What do you mean you ran into her.  Before she could do what?
> 
> She'd stepped into the road.  She'd walked right out in traffic and before I knew it, look I took her to the hospital after.  She wouldn't let me call anyone, said there wasn't anyone  _to_  call.  That's all I said to her today, I swear! I just wanted to make sure she was alright!

Finn's mind froze.  His fist froze.  He'd been  _this_  close to punching Big G when it all sunk in.  He let go of Big G, turned on the spot, and ran.  Faster than he'd ever run before.  He ran and didn't stop until he'd reached Rae.  The whole way all he could think was that he'd almost lost her.  That she'd been alone and sad and hadn't let on.  She wouldn't call anyone afterward.  She hadn't thought she could call him.  He had been so caught up in whether or not she fancied Archie more than him that he'd missed it.  As he raced up Rae's walk, he practically lunged for the door and began pounding his fist into it, praying she hadn't left for the hospital yet.

> What's the matter with you?
> 
> When Rae?  When did you do it?  I've just come from Big G's. 
> 
> That twat! I'll kill him, I swear I will!  Finn, you weren't supposed to find out.  No one was supposed to find out.
> 
> You weren't ever going to tell me?
> 
> No!  I wasn't going to tell anyone!  I don't want you to see those parts of me!

Before he knew what he was doing Finn and leaned forward and captured Rae in his arms.  He kissed her fiercely, trying to convey everything he'd never be able to form into words.  He kissed her until he was out of breath and he kept kissing her more.  Eventually he pulled back panting and rested his forehead against hers.

> I want to see every part of you Rae.  There's nothing about you I don't like.  I meant it.  I love you Rae, and if I lose you, well I don't think I could bear it.
> 
> You'll never lose my Finn.  Yesterday morning when I woke up in that field, my life was horrible.  You'd kissed Chloe, my mom and I had fought and I didn't feel like I had anyone I could turn to.  But now?  I've never felt more loved and supported.  I love you too Finn.  I'm still ill, and I'm still going to have bad days, but I'm not alone any longer. 

Rae leaned forward and kissed Finn quickly on the lips trying to keep all of her racing thoughts at bay.  She could stare into his eyes for hours but she had to go see Tix.

> Finn, I have to go to the hospital.  Tix is really ill and I can't let her be alone there.  I have to go to her but if you want, you can come with me.
> 
> Wherever you want to go.


End file.
